Those long nights from the good ol’ days
So, it’s 3:20am, and I’ve been up since 2am from all this wind we’re getting tonight, and I figured I could knock out another Army story that’s pretty apt for the situation.
In my section of 7 people, we got a staff sergeant named Sgt. Edgardo Quinones (I believe that is how his last name is spelled). Anyway, super super nice guy, shaped like a pug, and straight from Puerto Rico. One of the things that made him so fun to have around was that he was a constant source of amusement for everyone was him messing up his ch’s, sh’s, and v’s and b’s. He never said ’shit’, but ‘chit’, nor could he say ‘gloves’, but ‘glubs’. Yes, everyone snickered when he’d ask his section if we had our ‘glubs’ when we’d be out doing winter exercises.
So yes, he had a great accent, but the other thing he was famous for was his wife - of course you can’t, but ask anyone in my unit! How in the hell he got such a HOT wife was the question for the ages for everyone that saw her. Some figured that when he was back home, he won her in some bet or something. It sure was frustrating for us hormone raging 20-something year old GI’s to ponder when all we saw were German farm girls with absolutely the worst dental issues anyone had ever seen. Let me tell you, it was bad.
So, a NCO is in charge of one of two guard shifts- one is up on the TAC site (that I mentioned in a earlier post), and the other is down where everyone slept and ate (CQ - charge of the quarters). He was the CQ sergeant that night, and I was the ‘runner’- responsible for any number of things including watching my comrades get belligerently drunk, and creating all sorts of havoc. Other nights (weeknights usually), and especially between 2am and 6am, it’s SO DEAD. Basically, you sit there and answer the phones with a ridiculously long greeting, and it went like this: “Delta battery, first of the first air defense artillery, this line is unsecured. How may I help you sir or ma’am?”. Yeah, every phone call.
When the phone wasn’t ringing, you basically stare out the window as the people drove by, and Sgt. Quinones would want to drudge up some conversation. So one of the first times we were on CQ together, the dialog would go EXACTLY like this:
Sgt Q: Hey Bullens (why he and a few others added a 's' to my last name was beyond me) Me: What's up Sergeant Q? Sgt Q: Ever fucked a chicken? Me: What?!? Sgt Q: Ever fucked a chicken? Me: Uh... no. No Sgt. Q, I never have. Sgt Q: Okay
Then some time later after a failed attempt to stir dialog, he’d try a different tactic:
Sgt Q: Hey Bullens Me: What's up Sergeant Q. (not said as a question as I knew where this was going) Sgt Q: Ever fucked a cow? Me: Nope- can't say that I have. Have you ever fucked a cow? Sgt Q: (in some sort of suprised look) Oh no, I never have. Me: Okay.
Too funny. It’s something that really puts a smile on my face, even today. Sometimes I’ll ask Z the same questions when we’re bored. Of course she’s heard the story already, so she knows how to play along. I suggest trying it in high moments of boredom, and see if it makes you laugh like it did me.
I’ll have to remember to tell a few more about Sgt. Q. some time in the future. I wonder what he’s doing today. Jeez, it’s 4:15am, time to go to sleep. Cheers.