How to be taken advantage of
Ok, some people get annoyed with my obsessiveness with legal speak, but I can’t help it. I attribute it to a LOVE for logic and rhetoric, and it always puts a smile on my face when I catch something trying to pull a ‘fast one’ past me. The downside is that few if any read what is really written in corporate statements (whether on a ad board, or in a pamphlet). Two specific moments come to mind:
1) Z and I were at the Lucky store the other day to take advantage of their 50% off sale. We’re pretty much locked into their brand as they are the only ones that have jeans long enough for us. So while waiting for Z to pay the bill (which they - in their best interest - tell us that the products are not refundable AFTER we buy them), I notice a card that reads (more or less):
“Let us tell you how to keep your Lucky brand jeans looking their best- write down your information and send it to us, and we’ll send you all kinds of great tips, and dates of future sales.*
* We will NEVER sell your information to unaffiliated parties”
Of course the last part is written in a smaller font.
So, does anyone see how completely meaningless that statement is? So I figure the act of being ‘affiliated’ is most likely the agreement to exchange money for your information. So the statement reads (based on logic rearranging) “We will only sell your information to affiliated parties.”. Sweet- thanks Lucky.
2) Driving down the road, I see a AT&T billboard that reads “More bars. More Places.”. There’s two bits of language trickery here:
- Because there is a period between “bars” and “More”, the two statements aren’t necessarily related to each other. They are just as together as “The sky is blue. My car is fast..” The trickery of course is the unaware person will assume the two relate to each other.
- The second part is that the unaware person ASSUMES that the “more bars” relates to AT&T. Um, wrong assumption. They are just making a statement- no where does it say “*We* have more bars in more places.”. Even that statement means nothing because it doesn’t compare it to anything. More bars than some defunct telco carrier? Hilarious. It’s almost as bad as some bank (I can’t remember which) saying “Because your security is important.”. Oh really? Wow. What they didn’t say is that it’s important to THEM. Sure, security is important, but so is having food on the table to eat.
I suppose that’s enough for now. If I find anything else that’s funny, I’ll post it. You know, I think I missed my calling for writing speeches for politicians.
January 9th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
You and Z are terrible influences. I bought a pair of jeans. Please tell Rich that a 50% sale is not to be missed!!!
January 9th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I’m going to have to unsubscribe your site from Amy’s RSS reader. She bought a couple pairs of Lucky jeans and blamed it on you. I’m surprised the ATT bit didn’t push her into buying an iPhone.
January 10th, 2008 at 11:46 am
HA! For Rich’s benefit, I’ll use store aliases, like for Lucky Brand Jeans, maybe something like Happy Brand Jeans.